"Yeah. I have to stay functional too. I'm 'too important.'" -John Connor

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I spent the morning doing a written interpretation of the lovely Gillian's natal chart for her birthday (which is today! Happy Birthday again!), something I'd never done before. It took a pretty long time but it was really interesting and I learned a lot. I'm seriously continually blown away with how relevant astrology can be to self discovery, and also by how MUCH there is to learn about it. I'm constantly learning new things, it's like a constantly renewing Self-Help book. I can't believe it's already 2:30!

There's not too much to report here, other than my developing pretty serious PUPPP a week or so ago. I was going to write a long, tongue in cheek write up about it here but honestly it's just way too excruciating at this moment for me to laugh at, heh.

Somehow I've managed to experience just about every notoriously unlucky thing that could possibly happen to me during pregnancy, have you noticed that? I must be working off an extraordinary amount of karma here, so I'm trying to take it in stride. I'm buying the little boy a t-shirt from ragebaby.com that says "Sent From the Future to Clean This Mess Up" because at this point, after how difficult and trying this entire pregnancy has been, I'll be really, really surprised if he isn't actually the real life John Connor.

"Sorry about the 6 months of all-day puking, the 4 months of almost complete immobility, the flirting with gestational diabetes, the terrifying weight gain, the relentless insomnia and now the insanity-inducing rash, Mom. Although surely my inevitable saving of all humanity must be of some comfort."

Would that make me some semblance of Sarah Connor, then? Because for the record, that's a position I'm more than comfortable with.

SUPER SOULMATES; an introduction to synastry

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I've been struggling with how to approach my interest in astrology here, since I'm fairly certain 98% of the few of you who come here regularly would be hard pressed to find a way to give less of a shit about it. The fact does remain, however, that it's become a large part of my life and I keep WANTING to talk about it, so what's a girl to do?

Approach with humor, of course! Before anyone decides they're feeling ranty and judgemental, I'm fully aware that astrology is not law and I use it mainly as a tool to foresee influence. That being said, please have patience with the following light hearted, slightly tongue in cheek look at astrological synastry.

Does anyone else remember 90's flower child Shannon Hoon, deceased frontman of the band Blind Melon? Perhaps this will jog your memories:

"It's not saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane"

I recently discovered that, strangely, randomly, and at least according to the cosmic universe, Mr. Hoon and I would have made a pretty formidable pair. I've honestly never seen a chart more compatible with my own before seeing his today. Considering my past choices of partners, it would figure he'd have died young from a drug overdose, right? Synastry-wise, I'm going to examine all of the ways that Shannon Hoon and I would have, astrologically at least, been SUPER SOULMATES.

The planets and houses that are looked at most in synastry (the astrology of compatibility) are each of a pair's Ascendant (the public self), Sun (overall being), Moon (emotions), Mercury (communication), Venus (love), Mars (sexuality), north node (life's path), and the 7th house, aka the Descendant (ideals & relationships). In general, the closer the planets are to each other by sign, the more favorable the aspect. This isn't always the case, but getting into it right now would be horrendously boring and if you've actually made it this far, I don't want to lose you. For the same reason, I'm going to be focusing primarily on conjunctions here (planets within 5 or 6 degrees of each other), as Shannon Hoon and I have many. Moving on!

Lovahs?

Shannon (Solar Libra, Lunar Cancer) and I (Solar Aries, Lunar Capricorn) are both, to our misfortune, Sun square Moon individuals, basically meaning that our emotions are constantly at odds with how we choose to act. While this is a difficult aspect to deal with natally (aka: individually), in synastry sharing difficult aspects like this can bring two people together in a kind of "us vs. them" way that only strengthens their bond. Of course it also means we could get each other into a lot of trouble, but Shannon and I are/were both primarily cardinal people- getting ourselves in to and out of trouble made/makes us feel sexy.

Shannon's Mars in Sagittarius is right on my descendant, and (conveniently) my Mars in Libra is right on his. What this essentially means is that, at least in the raw, sexual sense, Shannon and I would have had all the exact right moves for each other. While favorable overall, there's also the distinct risk of sexual obsession with this aspect, but at least in Shannon and I's case it would have gone both ways, right? The idea of locking myself in a room with a Mars in Sag individual for a week or so and letting off some serious steam is probably the most appealing thing I can imagine (especially going into my last trimester, rendering me hornier than probably ever before. Yes, I said it.)

Even more amazingly, my sun in Aries is conjunct both his Ascendant AND north node. These are two of the most powerful synastry aspects in existence, the combination of the TWO is sort of unbelievable, and I've never seen a chart before Shannon's that I have them with. In the case of the sun & ascendant, the pair in question constantly reinforce each other's personal view of the world, creating a significantly deep spiritual link between them. Imagine a person who you could constantly count on to make you feel less crazy and like you actually belong on the earth; that's what I'm talking about. Sun conjunct north node denotes a relationship that is constantly, and more often than not positively, moving forward. These two people could help each other to grow and accomplish their dreams much, much faster than they could on their own or with another, not as well aspected, partner.

On the flip side, Shannon's *moon* is conjunct *my* north node, another powerful influence in synastry usually seen by astrologers as a "fated" aspect. Davey and I have this aspect, actually, and it helps us out tons considering (like Shannon) his moon in moody, over-emotional Cancer is opposite mine in icy, reserved Capricorn, which would normally cause too much drama to be worth it. While sun conjunct north node concerns itself mainly with the mutual progression of each other's goals, dreams, and self esteem, the connection between north node and the moon is distinctly emotional and remarkably deep. It creates an emotional bond so strong that it's capable of overcoming most of the bullshit and tribulation that cause other relationships to go up in flames, especially if the two are well aspected in other areas as well. The idea of having this many sun/moon/north node conjunctions with another human being sort of blows my mind; I can't even imagine what it would be like, to be honest.

Needless to say, at least astrologically, Shannon Hoon and I's yings and yangs all fit into each other perfectly. Which is always good to know, considering he's long gone. Luckily for me, Davey reminds me of Shannon Hoon anyway, so I'm not too far off... fundamentally.


Absence of shirt? Check!
Guitar? Check!
Ornamented hemp necklace? Check!
Weepy Cancer moon? Check!
Winner? ME!

Family; David and I move in

Monday, February 25, 2008

Apologies for the lack of updates- there's been some major changes in my life lately (what's new?) that have been dominating my time. David and I, after living in her house for a few weeks, officially moved into my grandmothers basement now that she's home from the rehab hospital she was in for a fall she had about a month ago. She moved back in upstairs; David works his new job in Northampton every day and I take care of my grandmother since it would be impossible for her to live here alone. As a family we collectively wanted her home and out of the hospital as quickly as possible, and David and I's moving in downstairs was the only way. I listen to her all day on a baby monitor in case she falls or gets confused, and she also wears a gym teacher-like whistle around her neck to blow on in case she needs me. It's been slightly bizarre and sometimes exhausting, but as of this moment I think everything is going to be alright.

David is amazing- I really can't stress it enough. Even though he had to be up at 7 for work, when my grandmother was furiously blowing her emergency whistle at 5am this morning for no concievable reason he wasn't just understanding about it but SUPPORTIVE of ME before and after- asking how I was feeling, telling me to slow down, making sure I wasn't taking too much on at once. He cooks elaborate old Irish lady dinners for her and sits with she and I in the den when Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy are on. I can't imagine a lot of people making the sacrifices he's made for me and my family after only having been a part of our lives for 9 short (but intense) months. We're a tight-knit group; it's almost impossible to endear yourself to us as an outsider (ESPECIALLY as a boyfriend of one of the only two girl cousins- you should hear some of the "I brought my boyfriend home for Christmas" horror stories that Erin and I have) but David's baptism by fire over the past week has won him a firm place. There's no question about it for any of us- he's a part of our family now.

I've noticed something interesting about my family in all of this, and it's not necessarily good or bad: even though we're all devoted to each other in an almost unhealthy way (we all live within 15 minutes of each other and readily lay down our time, effort, money, etc. without any hesitation at all if a family member needs us), at the same time not one of us will allow any other member of the family to DEPEND on us or vice versa; independence and self reliance have been bred into me as law since birth. We're to receive help resistantly until we don't need it anymore and then pull back again. So here I am living with my 77 year old grandmother, doling out her pills, cooking her meals, helping her to and from the bathroom, but all the while there's this... strangeness about it. Apart from how strange it is to take care of someone in this way who was a respected authority figure your entire life anyway, there's another element to it. Her medical outlook isn't exactly the brightest, but we both (and everyone else too, really) expect her to eventually do all of these things herself again and so we both treat the care-taking in this sort of blase, all-business way. I wish I knew a better way to explain it. Not being able to take care of ourselves is almost a fate worse than death, and if the time ever comes when we can't (in any way- medically, emotionally, financially) we're to take the smallest amount of help we need, regardless of the onslaught that will inevitably be offered, and then get back on our feet ASAP. If not, you pay by losing respect- not just from the family but for yourself as well, by some magic of massive internal guilt.

Also (for those of you on the astrology tip) I think the abundance of major planets in Aquarius and Capricorn (sun or moon in 7 of us, all of the main clan except my Aunt Beth and cousin Erin) within my family can't be overlooked either, or the fact that my (usually less than welcoming) grandmother warmed up so quickly to David, who shares a Cancer moon with her deceased (and sorely missed) husband, my grandfather.

Every once in a while, when I have the time to think about it, it really dawns on me how completely different my life is from how it was just a year ago. Every single thing is completely different, down to what I want out of life AND how I'm going about it. It's been hard but I feel like I'm really working toward something now, you know? I know who I am. No matter how much harder things get from here on out, and I expect them to, I have that now- and knowing that seems to make a lot of things a hell of a lot easier.