My Least Favorite Songs, Ever, Vol. 1

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

This is much, much easier than narrowing down my favorites, and given these honorable positions based on amount of outrage I feel at their existence when I hear them in the grocery store/mall/car.



I really am the sort of person who tries to find at least one thing to like about everything and everyone. But there is literally nothing appealing about Smash Mouth, is there? If there is, let me know, because I haven't found it yet.



Nevermind that this song has absolutely no soul to speak of, or that it reminds me of the years I worked at CVS in high school and it always came on and ruined my day while I was pricing Tylenol or therapeutic shoe insoles, but is anyone else COMPLETELY creeped out by all the weird flower opening/white gloves/virginity/vagina/sex innuendo in this video? Grossssssss.



I'm pretty sure this song would be on everybody's list, everywhere, except for maybe a few drunk townies from my hometown, sitting down at Maximum Capacity getting all fuzzy inside thinking about when they were the man in high school and constantly quoted the American Pie movies.



Fuck this song, fuck Cher, fuck her vocoder, fuck the trend she started in mainstream music where no one has a human voice anymore, and lastly just fuck. Ugh. Fuck.



Again we go back to the "no soul" issue. Is it really that hard to write a song that actually means something to you? Or to anyone? I'd rather listening to a recording of her signing all of her many, many checks- at least that'd feel a little bit more honest.



This is, hands down, my least favorite song of all time. I find something to throw every time it somehow leaks it's way into my atmosphere. No song is worse than Margaritaville, period. This is not open for debate. As a matter of fact, as I was looking for this video on youtube and played it, the baby woke up and immediately started crying. I hope someone closes Jimmy Buffett inside a steel drum and tosses him overboard somewhere in the Caribbean.



How many people do you think chose this song as their wedding song the year it came out? The year after that? THIS year? You'd think it would have gone away by now, but oh no- it's the new "Celebrate."

The Future

Monday, August 25, 2008

For the first time in a long, long time I'm starting to get ideas again. It seems really plain, the idea of idea-having, but honestly it's been so long since I've had any ideas, good or bad, that I feel kind of like a little girl right now.

When I was much younger, I had this electric green 80's psychedelic binder (the kind that came empty and with big metal rings, that you filled with paper yourself as needed) that I kept all my writing in. The first half was a journal, the second half was for my poetry, and the third half was reserved entirely for IDEAS. I had so many, for poetry, novels, clubs, games, that I needed to devote an entire section for them in my binder so that I wouldn't forget them later. Isn't that wonderful? I'm so in love with Little Me, when I look back. I wish I'd loved Little Me as much back then as I do now. Who knows what I could have accomplished with a bit more self love?

Anyways, my first order of business is trying to work out a better, less blogger-like space for my writing/blogging/etc etc. Does anyone know of any good hosts? Any good scripts for passcoding/privatizing sections of websites? I'm serious about this, too; blogger makes me feel weird and I can't organize topics in any way that I like at all. I'm going to be working on and around this for the a good chunk of the near future future; in the meantime, I'm link dumping on tumblr, at least for a little while.

Here are some other ideas I've been kicking around:

X Starting a small, self-run press in which I'd bind all the books by hand as they're ordered. I've been tossing this possibility around in my head for almost ten* years now and I don't see any reason why it hasn't been done**.

X Starting a webmagazine to coincide with aforementioned self-run physical press. It would thrill me to no end to be able to reject all the masturbatory, blowhard poetry that so many webmags constantly publish and actually put GOOD*** stuff out there.

X A children's book, the plot of which I don't want to reveal yet.

X A Young Adult book series, the plot of which I don't want to reveal yet. (I am STUPID excited about this)

So yes, I will be busy. I'll keep you guys updated on the progress of my busy-ness. Love!





*Yes, I'm really that old.
**Except that I'm lazy, flighty and creepy.
***Good to me

I finally did it!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

I finished my time machine! Check out the following photographic proof of my cosmic safari!

Here I am in 1956, where I cut a few tracks with The McGuire Sisters.



Then it was off to 1960, which is abundant in both sweet glasses' frames and Kennedy's.



I don't remember much about 1966, actually; acid tests and all that.



Since you all know the only reason I went ahead and invented time travel at all was to sleep with Stevie Nicks and Mick Fleetwood, 1978 was all in all it pretty fulfilling.



I wanted to stop by 1982 to see how the world was the year I was born. I booked it out pretty quickly, though; there's just way too much John Cougar Mellencamp in 1982 for my liking.



Last stop, 1994! Although I'm not sure why I bothered, since I actually did have this haircut in 1994, and it was just as terrifying and time consuming then as it was the second time around.

(psst: yearbookyourself.com)

If You're Wondering How I've Been Doing

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

here's a little window into my day to day:

I just smoked a Misty 120 out on my back steps, barefoot and wearing the separate top and bottom from two vastly different cat themed pajamas.

After days of nothing, a post of absolutely no artistic or intellectual value

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The other night David and I both made a list of five people that we could each make out with without punishment, in the unlikely event that the opportunity ever arises. Doesn't every couple have a list like this or are Davey and I just bizarre? Predictably, my list is also contingent upon my creating the technology for time travel.

CAIT:

Tara Jane O'Neil

Bianca Casady

Mick Fleetwood & Stevie Nicks circa 1978-1980

Andre 3000



DAVEY:

Jenna Malone

Joanna Newsom

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Melissa Auf Der Maur

Ellen Page

Who's on yours?

My child:

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

New Friend #2

Monday, August 4, 2008

Remember this?

Well, I received my package from her the other day and thusly wanted to update you all on the current status of my opinion of humanity. (Hint: It has much improved)

If you can't make out the note, here's what it says:

"Caitlin- Here you go! One more piece in your puzzle. As promised, I've included a few frimps: Dove's Heart (To help put the past in the past), #20 Love Oil (for any future possibilities! wink, wink!) and a few others just for the halibut. Very best of luck to you! Cheers! Jennifer"

Needless to say, my nose has been firmly and blissfully buried in my new bottle of Beltane '06 since the moment I unwrapped it. I'm also now the proud owner of two bags of tea and 5 other BPAL imps. Jennifer from Rockford, if you're out there somewhere- thank you, thank you, thank you!

If you need me, I'll be having a nice warm cup of chai spice black tea courtesy of loving, compassionate strangers everywhere.

New Friend

For the past week or so, every few times I go outside to have a cigarette (yes, I'm smoking again- sort of. Let's not talk about it.), there's been a bunny on our front lawn. I'm not sure where s/he's living and have yet to see any other rabbits, but s/he pops up fairly frequently and seems to enjoy scarfing the out of control crab grass that's slowly strangling what used to be my grandmother's lawn.

Little Buddy

I never try to get too close to it or hold it or anything, obviously- I don't want it to stop coming around. If I'm outside smoking in the first place, chances are I'm having a pretty rough time inside (what up colic, holla), so seeing the bunny is like a surprise joy supplement exactly when I need it.