Family; David and I move in

Monday, February 25, 2008

Apologies for the lack of updates- there's been some major changes in my life lately (what's new?) that have been dominating my time. David and I, after living in her house for a few weeks, officially moved into my grandmothers basement now that she's home from the rehab hospital she was in for a fall she had about a month ago. She moved back in upstairs; David works his new job in Northampton every day and I take care of my grandmother since it would be impossible for her to live here alone. As a family we collectively wanted her home and out of the hospital as quickly as possible, and David and I's moving in downstairs was the only way. I listen to her all day on a baby monitor in case she falls or gets confused, and she also wears a gym teacher-like whistle around her neck to blow on in case she needs me. It's been slightly bizarre and sometimes exhausting, but as of this moment I think everything is going to be alright.

David is amazing- I really can't stress it enough. Even though he had to be up at 7 for work, when my grandmother was furiously blowing her emergency whistle at 5am this morning for no concievable reason he wasn't just understanding about it but SUPPORTIVE of ME before and after- asking how I was feeling, telling me to slow down, making sure I wasn't taking too much on at once. He cooks elaborate old Irish lady dinners for her and sits with she and I in the den when Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy are on. I can't imagine a lot of people making the sacrifices he's made for me and my family after only having been a part of our lives for 9 short (but intense) months. We're a tight-knit group; it's almost impossible to endear yourself to us as an outsider (ESPECIALLY as a boyfriend of one of the only two girl cousins- you should hear some of the "I brought my boyfriend home for Christmas" horror stories that Erin and I have) but David's baptism by fire over the past week has won him a firm place. There's no question about it for any of us- he's a part of our family now.

I've noticed something interesting about my family in all of this, and it's not necessarily good or bad: even though we're all devoted to each other in an almost unhealthy way (we all live within 15 minutes of each other and readily lay down our time, effort, money, etc. without any hesitation at all if a family member needs us), at the same time not one of us will allow any other member of the family to DEPEND on us or vice versa; independence and self reliance have been bred into me as law since birth. We're to receive help resistantly until we don't need it anymore and then pull back again. So here I am living with my 77 year old grandmother, doling out her pills, cooking her meals, helping her to and from the bathroom, but all the while there's this... strangeness about it. Apart from how strange it is to take care of someone in this way who was a respected authority figure your entire life anyway, there's another element to it. Her medical outlook isn't exactly the brightest, but we both (and everyone else too, really) expect her to eventually do all of these things herself again and so we both treat the care-taking in this sort of blase, all-business way. I wish I knew a better way to explain it. Not being able to take care of ourselves is almost a fate worse than death, and if the time ever comes when we can't (in any way- medically, emotionally, financially) we're to take the smallest amount of help we need, regardless of the onslaught that will inevitably be offered, and then get back on our feet ASAP. If not, you pay by losing respect- not just from the family but for yourself as well, by some magic of massive internal guilt.

Also (for those of you on the astrology tip) I think the abundance of major planets in Aquarius and Capricorn (sun or moon in 7 of us, all of the main clan except my Aunt Beth and cousin Erin) within my family can't be overlooked either, or the fact that my (usually less than welcoming) grandmother warmed up so quickly to David, who shares a Cancer moon with her deceased (and sorely missed) husband, my grandfather.

Every once in a while, when I have the time to think about it, it really dawns on me how completely different my life is from how it was just a year ago. Every single thing is completely different, down to what I want out of life AND how I'm going about it. It's been hard but I feel like I'm really working toward something now, you know? I know who I am. No matter how much harder things get from here on out, and I expect them to, I have that now- and knowing that seems to make a lot of things a hell of a lot easier.