Cait & David, one year later

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

David and I have a lot in common, but in general I'd say we're pretty different people who eventually came to a similar point after starting from opposite places. Whenever I traveled, I ran away to bigger and bigger cities- Amherst, Boston, Rochester, Portland. David, on the other hand, slept on the ground in the woods with hippies, living off the land in Colorado before going to work on a farm in California with other migrant farm workers. It took a lot of shit and shock to finally convince me that I was a country mouse as opposed to a city one; David always knew.

When we finally rotated into each other's atmospheres, it was by sheer chance that we both happened to be in Massachusetts at the same time- neither of us ever stayed too still for long. We were both saving up our money to leave again as soon as possible, disgruntled and generally on the war path. I had a list of places I wanted to go next where I wouldn't know anyone- Austin, TX, Athens, GA, Seattle, WA- anywhere where I could start over new and be whoever I wanted to be. David was recovering emotionally from a situation very similar to mine at the time, working an IT job until he felt like he was ready to get back to the woods and stay there. It was our similar pasts that brought us together after Renee introduced us last March, since I'm not sure I could have opened myself up to him (or anyone else) otherwise. Getting involved in another relationship was beyond being the farthest thing from my mind; I was actively AVOIDING it in every way I knew how, rabidly. But I remember feeling like the fact that he'd been through something so clearly identical to what I'd just been through meant he would understand my frame of mind moreso than anyone else could at the time, and I was right.

In typical Cait fashion, I fought it for a long time before I was willing to admit that it was something real. David would make the 45 minute drive from Worcester to Springfield every night, late, just to sit in parking lots with me and talk. Nothing happened for months, he was just there for me. We chain smoked cigarettes and ate a lot of Taco Bell. We took long drives in the dark with the music on. We took naps in cemeteries, sometimes driving back to his apartment just to sleep beside each other but never touching. The whole debacle made me feel 18 again, which was good and bad but mostly good. It takes a pretty strong individual to be patient with my methods sometimes, but he let me take all the time I needed.

When we finally did kiss, I was immediately regretful and terrified. I thought I'd ruined everything; right away I started bracing myself for yet another train wreck. Even though I had less faith in the heterosexual male at that time than ever before in my life prior, David still stuck by me. As I pushed and pulled at him, never knowing exactly what I wanted or what I was going to do, he just hung out and waited. I couldn't even tell you how long he waited to know for sure that I wouldn't just flip and take off in the middle of the night- sometimes I think a part of him still wonders if I will. I know, of course, that there's no way I'm going anywhere. David Morrow is the light of my life and I can honestly say that he's my partner, my sexier and much more highly motivated other half.

And now, a year after our first meeting, we're living together in a gorgeous old house and preparing to raise a son together. It's been a whirlwind, that's an understatement, but I'm more sure about my love for and feel safer with him than I ever have in the past. It's not a heated compulsion or a butterfly feeling in my gut, it's more than that; it's real. I don't even bother asking how it is I got so lucky, I'm just thankful every day.