Tara Jane O'Neil: Favorite

Monday, May 12, 2008

video from touchandgorecords.com

Once upon a time (or sometime in the year 2000, whichever intro you prefer) to celebrate the one year anniversary of our friendship, my friend Matt mailed me a copy of Tara Jane O'Neil's first solo record "Peregrine." Unbeknownst to me, it was the start of the longest lasting, most personally fulfilling musical love affair I've ever been a part of. Since then Tara Jane O'Neil's music has grown with me. Over the last eight incredibly formative years of my life, it's followed me from being an 18 year old girl, terrified and on the brink of everything, to a 26 year old woman, trying to preserve her individuality beneath both motherhood and adulthood.

"Peregrine" was one of the only albums I listened to during the summer I first lived in New York. I didn't know anyone there aside from Daniel, and at that point I even just barely knew him. I was (graciously) hundreds of miles away from everything and everyone I'd ever known, and my move there was one of the first and biggest steps I took toward solidifying my individuality. I distanced myself from two toxic, addicting romantic relationships, left my incredibly close-knit family for the first time in my life, and just literally disappeared. I took the time to recreate myself- a town where no one knows you is the perfect place to let yourself be the person you always wanted to be. I lived in a big house with seven strangers in downtown Rochester, paying $150 a month plus utilities. I had a Walkman then (remember those?) that I'd won out of one of those grab-it machines in an arcade years earlier- it was translucent blue plastic and covered in stickers. I'd walk around downtown Rochester daily, during it's summer which is more like spring anywhere else, listening to a taped copy of "Peregrine" and taking in my new surroundings. I'd walk to the library, down to Park Avenue where all the college kids hung out, up and down various Monroe County streets where even the book stores had bars over the windows, and the soundtrack was always the same. I even listened to the album at night as I was falling asleep- to this day the opening notes of "A City In the North" put me right back in that old attic room at night with the one window open to let the summer breeze in. It was a personality-forming time for me, my coming of age movie. In spite of the fact that my decision to move there was completely impulsive and I was equally as likely to have landed flat on my face, it turned out to be a time of intense positivity and constant reinforcement of my personal strength. I'll always remember those years fondly, as they were some of the best of my life, but especially that first summer. All of the uncertainty mixed with my naivety and enthusiastic anticipation for an unknown future was nothing short of magical. The dreamy, floating, meditative tone of the entire album meshed perfectly with my state of mind at the time. So much so that during a show at Hampshire College in 2006, when she attempted "Sunday Song" as her closer, my stomach knotted up so tightly and nostalgically that I thought I would throw up until I just gave it up and cried.

As I got older I continued to buy up every new release that TJO put out. I have every EP, every hand colored 7 inch, every strange overseas compilation, there are pieces of her art hanging in my house- anytime she released something new, I got my hands on it. Everyone has at least one band or artist like that, I think. Regardless of how my tastes changed (even when I was listening to essentially nothing but old 50's prom music) TJO remained a constant. It always seemed like as I grew and changed as a person, she was growing and changing as an artist as well, so that every new record (regardless of what was happening in my life during the time of it's release) somehow resonated with me. I won't go step by step through every album and contrast it with what was happening to me at the time, but trust me when I say her albums were always either a solace, a celebration, or some combination of the two. In all my life there has never been a musician who's touched me in as many ways as Tara Jane O'Neil has, and I say that without hesitation.


TJO at the Bookmill, photo © Jeff Breeze

I try to catch her live every time she comes to Western Mass, which isn't often. I first saw her open for Ida at the Flywheel in 2000, touring for Peregrine, where she played the entire show with her back to the audience. The best show of hers I ever saw was in Montague, when she played at the Montague Bookmill (one of my favorite places on earth). Almost no one came- it had been raining or snowing pretty heavily that day, I think. Renee and I sat on a couch and drank tea while she performed, after dusk, surrounded by bookcases and in front of the open windows overlooking the river rushing by the mill. If I sound sentimental, it's because I am- I've seen too many live shows to count in my life, of varying sizes and in varying venues, but that show was something truly special. If you've ever been lucky enough to catch TJO live, you might have an idea of what I'm talking about.

It would be an understatement to say that the sort of music I gravitate toward has changed dramatically in the past 8 years. My taste (in most things, but most obviously the music I enjoy) has morphed into something much more abstract/bizarre and much less outwardly sentimental than it used to be, which (if you wanted to get philosophical) you could say has happened simultaneously with an identical change within myself. While that once infamous sentimentality still exists (of course), I'm not as straightforward about it as I used to be, for better or worse. The last few years have been especially rough for me, as many of you know. The quieting of my more personal urges is tied into all that; I'm not gone, just safely tucked away, growing, waiting for a time when I'll feel comfortable enough to share my voice again. According to her website, TJO is recording this month. My son will be born in July. I can only eagerly anticipate what this next stage of my life, coupled as usual with another new Tara Jane O'Neil release, will bring to me.

Official Site
TJO @ Myspace.com