My Least Favorite Songs, Ever, Vol. 1

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

This is much, much easier than narrowing down my favorites, and given these honorable positions based on amount of outrage I feel at their existence when I hear them in the grocery store/mall/car.



I really am the sort of person who tries to find at least one thing to like about everything and everyone. But there is literally nothing appealing about Smash Mouth, is there? If there is, let me know, because I haven't found it yet.



Nevermind that this song has absolutely no soul to speak of, or that it reminds me of the years I worked at CVS in high school and it always came on and ruined my day while I was pricing Tylenol or therapeutic shoe insoles, but is anyone else COMPLETELY creeped out by all the weird flower opening/white gloves/virginity/vagina/sex innuendo in this video? Grossssssss.



I'm pretty sure this song would be on everybody's list, everywhere, except for maybe a few drunk townies from my hometown, sitting down at Maximum Capacity getting all fuzzy inside thinking about when they were the man in high school and constantly quoted the American Pie movies.



Fuck this song, fuck Cher, fuck her vocoder, fuck the trend she started in mainstream music where no one has a human voice anymore, and lastly just fuck. Ugh. Fuck.



Again we go back to the "no soul" issue. Is it really that hard to write a song that actually means something to you? Or to anyone? I'd rather listening to a recording of her signing all of her many, many checks- at least that'd feel a little bit more honest.



This is, hands down, my least favorite song of all time. I find something to throw every time it somehow leaks it's way into my atmosphere. No song is worse than Margaritaville, period. This is not open for debate. As a matter of fact, as I was looking for this video on youtube and played it, the baby woke up and immediately started crying. I hope someone closes Jimmy Buffett inside a steel drum and tosses him overboard somewhere in the Caribbean.



How many people do you think chose this song as their wedding song the year it came out? The year after that? THIS year? You'd think it would have gone away by now, but oh no- it's the new "Celebrate."